today is valentine's day! and i'm grounded, so i have to stay at home. if you don't already know, i have a boyfriend of a year and a half so it is kind of depressing sitting at home without him. especially on this day. but because of my grounding, i have been spending a lot of time online. i have noticed a lot of opinions on valentine's day. "i love valentines day", "valentine's day is pointless", "unless you have a boyfriend, valentine's day is depressing", "i hate valentine's day".

i have also heard people say that valentine's day is just a made up holiday that card making companies use to get more business. i just don't understand! why wouldn't you like valentine's day? sure, it revolves mainly around relationships and marriages and things like that. but i always remember when i was younger i would spend hours making valentine's for all of my friends, because that's what it was about for me. so if you don't have that special someone to celebrate with, why not take this opportunity to tell your friends and family how much you love them?

whether you like it or not, valentine's day is a holiday that many people are going to celebrate. you might as well make the best of it. i mean, how many days are dedicated to telling everyone how much you love them? i know after reading this, many people may still disagree with me. but i thought that i'd take this chance to tell you that valentine's day doesn't have to be a depressing holiday for anyone. i know i don't mind eating chocolates and candies all day :)



whether you agree or disagree, comment and tell me why you like or dislike valentine's day :)

there's a lot of things that i don't know for certain. i don't know where my life is going to take me, i don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. then why is it so simple for me to know that i love you? because i do, i do love you. and it feels like every force possible is pressuring me to go the other way. it seems like the worst possible things have happened to us. but if we weren't strong enough to make it, would we still be standing here together?

maybe it'd be nice to know how life is going to turn out. then you wouldn't have to waste so much time on things that weren't always going to be there. i don't even think God knows what's going to happen to me. i don't believe in 'everything happens for a reason'. i believe that things happen because of what you do. and if you mess up, there's a good chance that something that would have made you happy could leave and you might never find something better. i know we all make mistakes. we wouldn't be human if we didn't.

i'm imperfect in every way. and you might think i do some things because i don't care about you, or how you feel, or about our future together. but i never would do anything that would break us apart. if i didn't think we'd make it through something, then i'd take your hand and run in the other direction. but some things you just can't run away from. there's some hurdles that you just have to run towards, head on. you have to close your eyes, hold your breath, and fly over them hoping that you land safely on the other side.

sometimes i sit and think. i ask myself, "what do you really want?". and truthfully, i want you more than anything. i can imagine what i'd be like without you. miserable. lonely. missing you every second. nothing is worth losing you. i know a lot of people go through losing the one they love, maybe more than once. but for us, it has to be different. i will only love once. i will only love you. and i will do everything i can to keep us together. but i can't do it alone.

i couldn't tell you most of my past word for word.
all the memories kind of blur together and i can only recall certain things with little strain.
i wonder how it gets like that. maybe because the younger you are, the less you  remember?
or maybe you only remember the things most important to you.
or maybe just things that you were paying most attention to.

well, whatever the case, i hope i don't forget now. one day as i'm sitting in my house, my kids all grown up, and wondering what it felt like to be on the verge of 16. i know i won't forget the feeling when i first fell in love, the feeling of happiness with friends and family around me, the feeling of relief when walking out of the school building to find the relaxing breeze of summer vacation.

but how did i get to now? well, i started out my first day of school with the innocence of any young girl. maybe i was exposed to some things that i shouldn't have been at that age, and maybe i didn't have the perfect childhood. but, i grew up anyway. time doesn't wait for you to get your act together. moving from town to town three or four times made it hard for me to keep my friends. many tears were shed, but i soon moved on to make new ones. i have gained and lost many of them since i moved to my current town. i have had my share of crushes and break ups. but that's okay, because all of these things lead me to the life and people that i have now. i'm healthy, i'm happy for the most part, and i have a big family that cares about me.

i know i'm not perfect. i do make plenty of mistakes. but i try as hard as i can to correct them and to please everyone around me. sometimes i fail to make everyone happy, and it tears me in two. but i know that i have the strength to pull myself back together again.

my likes and loves and losses have led me to the one human being that fits perfectly with me, like the missing piece to a puzzle. i wouldn't trade any of my past because i like how things are turning out. i know that one day we will make it through all the drama of being young. i know one day that i will be happy and secure in my life.

until then, i'm just going to try my hardest and follow my heart with everything that i do.
each and every day i am writing a new page to my story, hoping for my happy ending.